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Thursday, November 20, 2008

It's not always about how you treat others, it's how you allow others to treat you

posted by BOFarrell at 8h04

Why do we do what we do?

I’ll come right out and say it. I like doing things for others because it makes me feel good. It’s completely selfish. I get a genuine thrill out of it. The other person usually appreciates the gesture. It’s a win-win.

It’s also because when I was a kid, my mother had this saying: “It’s nice to be nice.” It’s a simple truth that she drilled into us.

And she was right. It is nice to be nice.

On the other side of the coin, I have to admit, that I find it tough to let other people do things for me. I’m not sure why. Maybe it stems from some sense of insecurity, that I don’t want anyone to go to too much trouble, that it’s safer not to expect it. Because with expectation comes disappointment. I’m trying to figure it out. I guess in some ways we’re all a work in progress.

But that’s changing. I’m progressing. I’m learning to let others help. And I’m discovering that it’s an incredible feeling.

I started thinking about this because of two things:

One, an acquaintance last Friday evening paid me a simple, yet very genuine, compliment. She didn’t have to. I didn’t expect it. I barely know her. But, it stopped me in my tracks. She had appreciated a gesture I had made and took the time to make sure I knew how much it meant. It was nice.

Two, earlier that very same day, a friend dropped by my house to help me out with a little problem I have been having with my recycling. He didn’t have to. He went way out of his way to do something that was simply for me, to help me out. That was very sweet.

For some reason, I keep thinking about these two acts of kindness, turning them over in my brain. And I have come up with a theory and a conclusion.

First, the conclusion: I think I’ve reached the point in my life where I’m ready to let other people be nice to me.

The theory: Deep down inside, we are all the same. We all want to be happy, it’s just that only some of us also possess the capacity to be happy for others. And that is a very attractive quality.

Brenda O'Farrell

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